You Can't Step in the Same River Twice
So take your shoes off, get your hair wet and maybe do a cannonball.
“A man cannot step into the same river twice, because it is not the same river, and he is not same man.”
I’ve seen this quote attributed to ancient philosophers Heraclitus and Seneca. It’s a key theme of Prousts’ In Search of Lost Time (Le Recherche) Thomas Wolfe’s You Can’t Go Home Again, and Wilder’s Our Town, and probably a thousand other stories in a hundred different languages. It’s a personal favorite.
I had the surreal experience of dropping my oldest daughter off for a one-week stay at the college campus that I attended. At 2am, the noise outside our B&B window came to life with sounds of 20-somethings leaving bars. My indignant and sleepless brain cried “that was ME just a few years ago!” (ok, maybe more than a few). Jack & Coke, cigarette smoke, late night pizza and bottomless margaritas. I never wanted those days to end, not because they were perfect, but because I felt at home. It was a glorious river….and I went to that “river” and found it largely unchanged, but I am changed. I’m not the same (wo)man.
The true paradises are the paradises that we have lost.
― Marcel Proust // In Search of Lost Time
Today, I spend much of my days driving kids around in a messy SUV, asking them to clean their room or the kitchen, begging them to eat fewer chips, write their thank you notes, finish their homework and not sweat the small stuff. But one day the rooms will be clean, they’ll buy their own chips, and maybe I’ll buy a sleek white coupe to drive around in alone.
We call upon you to take heart, for we can swear to you that these things pass.
-Thomas Wolfe // You Can’t Go Home Again
Today, I’m also surrounded by a family who needs hugs, dinner and advice. A family who wants to play cards or make bracelets, or watch TV together, and generally enjoys my company. Grandparents play a huge part of our lives, as do teachers, friends and neighbors. But years from now, this will all change. Maybe we’ll live in the same house, but likely we won’t. Maybe we’ll return to our favorite places, but maybe we’ll live far apart, and find new places to be together. The people we call “family” will be new and different.
Today’s river is glorious too. It has smooth rocks, crisp water and a current that moves a just a bit too fast….but one day the river will change, and so will we.
“EMILY: "Does anyone ever realize life while they live it...every, every minute?"
STAGE MANAGER: "No. Saints and poets maybe...they do some.”―Thornton Wilder // Our Town
I spend a lot of time thinking about this, how even the best of times must end, and how to appreciate the good times while you’re in them.
Here’s what I know:
Pay Attention - The simple acknowledgement of being in a groove is powerful. Notice the days, weeks or even just the cups of coffee that feed your soul.
Get Your Hair Wet - Jump in the river, order the chocolate cake, put your phone down, send your friends a post card, wear the outfit, sign up for the class. Do what you need to do in order to be the main character of the good chapters of your life.
Use All Five Senses - I will burn a specific candle during a time that I want to savor. I will also play a playlist or album over and over again. This rose candle smells like Paris with my mom and daughters. Sufjan Stephens is the soundtrack to addressing Christmas cards. Boeuf Bourgeon tastes like the first day of fall. Simon and Garfunkel —> high school art class.
Remember Nothing Lasts Forever - Which is equal parts joyful and tragic— and helpful to remember when you find yourself in the midst of a storm.
Be Intentional with Free Time - If what your heart truly desires is to spend time cooking, reading and hanging out with friends, but what you actually DO is mindless scrolling or over-working, then you have a beautiful opportunity to turn you free time into much happier times.
Finally, in a post filled with what might be one-too-many literary references…
Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.
-Ferris Bueller // Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
WHATNOT
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This tray would look cute on a teen nightstand.
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I keep getting Instagram ads for these slides, and damn if I don’t want a pair.
Love this blog!